If

I found a song that fits perfectly for something that was written for me months ago. I remember how it has touched my heart the first time I read it. It got me teary eyed. And I must admit that he got me through his words... through his writing... I look back as I sing, "If you think of me. If you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you..."

You lay in bed, cold, in the darkness the only noise is the slight sound of you breathing. Your eyes close as you try to drift off to sleep but your body knows there is something
missing, your heart is still searching.

Suddenly, there is a quiet knock on the front door. At first you dismiss it as a wishful dream but again that quiet knock returns.

Slightly apprehensive you get out of bed and walk to the door, you grab the handle but don't open it yet. Then the knock again it startles you. But you relinquish and open the door.

Your eyes don't believe what you are seeing but some how your heart knew it before you ever opened the door. I'm standing in your door way with one single white rose in my hand. Before I can even say a word you throw yourself into my arms, I easily catch you and walk into your apartment carrying you.

You look up at me and smile that amazing smile that lights up the room. We don't say a word to each other because we already know.

I take you by the hand and lead you to the bedroom where you climb into bed with me behind you. I pull the blankets over our bodies and slip my arm around your waist. I pull our
bodies close together keeping you warm and making you feel safe. With my free hand I run my fingers through your hair and tuck a lose strand behind your ear as your eyes close.

Now your heart is happy you drift off to sleep with a smile on your face.

BPZS.11/25/10.12:42

Three Holidays: The Introduction

"Waiting is painful.
Forgetting is painful.
But not knowing which to do
is the worse kind of suffering."

These are the exact thoughts of Isabella as she looked back on the year that has gone. She holds on to nothing but the memories of the beloved. The one who made her believe that dreams do come true. The one who made each waking moment full of smiles. The one she felt was taken away from her a little too soon. On that fateful night she cries, "Can I spend just one more holiday with him?"

Phillip is a writer for the local newspaper. With his height and athletic physique, no one would think that this gorgeous guy was still single. Often seen by his acquaintances as a man gifted with a good mixture of wit and sarcasm, no one fails to get the message once he starts talking for he is a man who is wise beyond his years, sensitive and profound. Day in, day out, he does what he loves to do, he writes. And through his words, you would see how passionate he really is.

Isabella is an operations supervisor for the city library. She is often seen as unfriendly at first but what really make her withdrawn is the insecurity that is eating her up from the inside. She hides it by always wearing black and keeping herself busy. She lives and breathes work, usually skipping her breaks and barely taking her full lunch hour. But she brightens every body's day by greeting them with a very warm, "Good morning!" followed by a genuine smile.

Phillip and Isabella met a couple of years before. Although nothing sparked at that moment, Philip did catch Isabella's eyes. The posture that exteriorize the confidence within is something that Isabella could not miss out on. But this initial encounter was as simple as it gets. It was just a hi and hello.

One day at a near by coffee shop, these two crossed paths. They waved at each other and smiled then decided that they would share a table. What started as a random conversation about the weather, ended up being a prelude to this connection. A connection that they will later realize is too hard to break for it only comes once in a lifetime. They have exchanged numbers and have decided that in this new world and age, text messaging is the most convenient way of keeping in touch.

Weatherproofing

It has been months since the last time I have posted something here. But being that today was a really terrible one without a real obvious reason, I tried to be creative in making myself feel better and snap out of it. I found one of the books that I used to read and saw my notes on it. Surprisingly, it cleared my thoughts and decided that I should write about it.

What I came across was about "weatherproofing". The book explains that it's our neurotic tendency to look out for something that needs to be fixed or repaired, to keep an eye on flaws or imperfections and to think about what's wrong with everything and everyone which then leads us to fail in appreciating the beauty of what is there. I then remembered an episode in Sex and the City Season 2 called "The Freak Show" that shows a good example of this.

In that episode, Carrie dated three different men and ended up finding something "freaky" about each one of them that scared her away. But unexpectedly she came across a guy who seemed perfect and flawless. Fearing that she might just waste her next few months with a guy who would eventually end up being another freak like all men are, she started going through his apartment, his things trying to find out what's wrong with him only to realize that maybe there really wasn't. But by being caught by the guy who now thinks she is crazy, she managed to ruin what could have been a good relationship. How ironic, right?

More often than not, we fail to focus on what's good or beautiful in our lives. One bad day and we think it's the end of the world. I was asked by a few friends today how I was doing or feeling and I said, "It's just one of those days. I still have the rest of the year to enjoy. So one bad day is alright." We are too consumed by what's not right in our lives, what we are lacking or maybe all together thinking that things are just not good enough as it is. If we focused more on the good things in our lives, we would never stop smiling.

I don't even know what triggered this unnecessary now really silly mood swing. I've been extremely happy the last couple of months and I am not used to having a bad day, at least not anymore. Probably there's this fear inside of me that everything is too good to be true and as a way to protect myself from getting hurt or disappointed, I expect that something would go wrong. I now feel terrible for ever letting that cross my mind. There is no clear basis for that to begin with. Oh well! At least I have snapped out of it.

So I will go to sleep now, with full appreciation of what I have. I am grateful for the way things are in my life. Every now and then there will be bumps but it doesn't change the fact that life is beautiful especially if you found someone who is willing to go through this journey with you, good or bad, happy or sad. Besides, we are all little freaks and weirdos, it's a matter of finding someone who will just love that about you. =)