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After a little over five years, I have decided to leave the company. I have built my life around it and it was time for me to cut the ties. I live and breathe the company's core values and I remember being teased by a former manager that he will find the company's logo streaming in my blood through my veins. I have been fortunate to have worked with some of the most amazing leaders and mentors. I have made a lot of friends as well. I left in a good note and didn't burn any bridges so if the time comes and my heart tells me that it's still the one... I know it will welcome me with open arms. But for now, I say farewell to you. Thanks for being the bank of opportunities...

If

I found a song that fits perfectly for something that was written for me months ago. I remember how it has touched my heart the first time I read it. It got me teary eyed. And I must admit that he got me through his words... through his writing... I look back as I sing, "If you think of me. If you miss me once in awhile, then I'll return to you..."

You lay in bed, cold, in the darkness the only noise is the slight sound of you breathing. Your eyes close as you try to drift off to sleep but your body knows there is something
missing, your heart is still searching.

Suddenly, there is a quiet knock on the front door. At first you dismiss it as a wishful dream but again that quiet knock returns.

Slightly apprehensive you get out of bed and walk to the door, you grab the handle but don't open it yet. Then the knock again it startles you. But you relinquish and open the door.

Your eyes don't believe what you are seeing but some how your heart knew it before you ever opened the door. I'm standing in your door way with one single white rose in my hand. Before I can even say a word you throw yourself into my arms, I easily catch you and walk into your apartment carrying you.

You look up at me and smile that amazing smile that lights up the room. We don't say a word to each other because we already know.

I take you by the hand and lead you to the bedroom where you climb into bed with me behind you. I pull the blankets over our bodies and slip my arm around your waist. I pull our
bodies close together keeping you warm and making you feel safe. With my free hand I run my fingers through your hair and tuck a lose strand behind your ear as your eyes close.

Now your heart is happy you drift off to sleep with a smile on your face.

BPZS.11/25/10.12:42

Three Holidays: The Introduction

"Waiting is painful.
Forgetting is painful.
But not knowing which to do
is the worse kind of suffering."

These are the exact thoughts of Isabella as she looked back on the year that has gone. She holds on to nothing but the memories of the beloved. The one who made her believe that dreams do come true. The one who made each waking moment full of smiles. The one she felt was taken away from her a little too soon. On that fateful night she cries, "Can I spend just one more holiday with him?"

Phillip is a writer for the local newspaper. With his height and athletic physique, no one would think that this gorgeous guy was still single. Often seen by his acquaintances as a man gifted with a good mixture of wit and sarcasm, no one fails to get the message once he starts talking for he is a man who is wise beyond his years, sensitive and profound. Day in, day out, he does what he loves to do, he writes. And through his words, you would see how passionate he really is.

Isabella is an operations supervisor for the city library. She is often seen as unfriendly at first but what really make her withdrawn is the insecurity that is eating her up from the inside. She hides it by always wearing black and keeping herself busy. She lives and breathes work, usually skipping her breaks and barely taking her full lunch hour. But she brightens every body's day by greeting them with a very warm, "Good morning!" followed by a genuine smile.

Phillip and Isabella met a couple of years before. Although nothing sparked at that moment, Philip did catch Isabella's eyes. The posture that exteriorize the confidence within is something that Isabella could not miss out on. But this initial encounter was as simple as it gets. It was just a hi and hello.

One day at a near by coffee shop, these two crossed paths. They waved at each other and smiled then decided that they would share a table. What started as a random conversation about the weather, ended up being a prelude to this connection. A connection that they will later realize is too hard to break for it only comes once in a lifetime. They have exchanged numbers and have decided that in this new world and age, text messaging is the most convenient way of keeping in touch.

Weatherproofing

It has been months since the last time I have posted something here. But being that today was a really terrible one without a real obvious reason, I tried to be creative in making myself feel better and snap out of it. I found one of the books that I used to read and saw my notes on it. Surprisingly, it cleared my thoughts and decided that I should write about it.

What I came across was about "weatherproofing". The book explains that it's our neurotic tendency to look out for something that needs to be fixed or repaired, to keep an eye on flaws or imperfections and to think about what's wrong with everything and everyone which then leads us to fail in appreciating the beauty of what is there. I then remembered an episode in Sex and the City Season 2 called "The Freak Show" that shows a good example of this.

In that episode, Carrie dated three different men and ended up finding something "freaky" about each one of them that scared her away. But unexpectedly she came across a guy who seemed perfect and flawless. Fearing that she might just waste her next few months with a guy who would eventually end up being another freak like all men are, she started going through his apartment, his things trying to find out what's wrong with him only to realize that maybe there really wasn't. But by being caught by the guy who now thinks she is crazy, she managed to ruin what could have been a good relationship. How ironic, right?

More often than not, we fail to focus on what's good or beautiful in our lives. One bad day and we think it's the end of the world. I was asked by a few friends today how I was doing or feeling and I said, "It's just one of those days. I still have the rest of the year to enjoy. So one bad day is alright." We are too consumed by what's not right in our lives, what we are lacking or maybe all together thinking that things are just not good enough as it is. If we focused more on the good things in our lives, we would never stop smiling.

I don't even know what triggered this unnecessary now really silly mood swing. I've been extremely happy the last couple of months and I am not used to having a bad day, at least not anymore. Probably there's this fear inside of me that everything is too good to be true and as a way to protect myself from getting hurt or disappointed, I expect that something would go wrong. I now feel terrible for ever letting that cross my mind. There is no clear basis for that to begin with. Oh well! At least I have snapped out of it.

So I will go to sleep now, with full appreciation of what I have. I am grateful for the way things are in my life. Every now and then there will be bumps but it doesn't change the fact that life is beautiful especially if you found someone who is willing to go through this journey with you, good or bad, happy or sad. Besides, we are all little freaks and weirdos, it's a matter of finding someone who will just love that about you. =)

Tell Me... Show Me... Involve Me...

Every now and then you come across people who changes your life completely... I have always been hungry for knowledge, the same way I have always been fascinated by people who are such great teachers.

I remember when I was in college, I was asked by my professor to name a person that I admire the most. I had to pause for a few seconds and think of a person who has inspired me in such a life changing way. I couldn't think of anyone. How sad is that??? I don't know if my epxectations were just too high or I am just plain apathetic on what's going on around me.

About a few weeks ago, while I was in a talent planning meeting in our Market Office, we were asked what best describes a great leader. And instantly I said, he or she ought to be inspiring. I then talked about my very first Branch Manager. I have always been vocal about the fact that if not for her, I wouldn't be where I am now. She was the one who challenged me to prove what I am capable of doing and even after I have mastered my skill, she never stopped pushing me to become better. Everyday was another day to learn new things. It never felt like a routine. Everyday, I wake up excited to go to work because I look forward to what my teacher has for me.

And now, here I am. Still the same person who is hungry for knowledge. But there's no one there to teach me. Instead, I am now tasked to pass on my knowledge. But how much do I know? And how much can I share? Am I even qualified to be a teacher? This is the struggle I have to face every morning when I walk through the doors of my branch. No one knows it, no one sees it... that it kills me, each time that they take a piece me, when there's no one to add to the little that I have. I could only do so much. And I don't know everything. As the days go by, I slowly become obsolete. And that's the worse feeling ever... when you feel like you are no longer needed.

Obituary

I remember two years ago, I went to five funerals. It was my assistant manager's husband, then my uncle, they my ex-fiance's grandmother from his father side then it was my best friend then it was my ex-fiance's grandmother but this time from his mother side. My grandmother passed away after being in a coma for four years in the beginning of last year. Among all these funerals, one thing was common, the tear jerking eulogies by the family and friends of the departed one. Imagine your life being compressed in a 10 minute speech.

On our deathbed, there's really a limited number of things that we could take with us. Same way, there are only a few things that people will remember about us. So the things that we worry about, those that consumes our days and nights, are they as valuable as we make them? Will it matter days, months or years from now? We all have the tendency to give things too much credit that what it really deserves and for that we should reassess our priorities.

Patience is a Virtue

The more patient you are, the more accepting you will be of what is,

rather than insisting that life be exactly as you would like it to be.

Without patience, life is extremely frustrating.

Why have I chosen to write about this? Because I am getting really eager about moving to my new apartment. I signed the lease yesterday and will be getting the keys on June 13th. What a way to start my vacation?!?! I know it will be very busy but it will all be worth it. But what's a few more days when I waited for years for things that never came to be...

At this point of my life, if things happened the be way I had it planned, I would have had been a wife already living in a house probably with another baby on its way. But none of those had happened. And I wouldn't want to dwell on bitterness anymore. So I am moving on. And getting this new apartment is the beginning of better and brighter things. I need to get away from that box that I have trapped myself in.

Maybe if I learn to just let things flow rather than me having a time table of when things should happen, I will be happier and be more peaceful. I should let life surprise me, make things a little more unpredictable. So month of June, I am looking forward to what you have for me. I know my days will go by fast but I am as ready as I can be.